February 1, 2003

To Zoe, the girl who helped break me,

I know that I can never leave you behind. There is no eloquent way to describe what you did to me, and I know there is no need for me to describe what I did to you- we both know that well enough. We both know that it is no-one's fault that I still love you, but it is your fault that we haven't spoken in almost seven months.

Do you remember what it was like when we were in love? We knew that what we had was dangerous, we knew it would burn us, and burn us it did. The scars I bear are a testament to how little you really knew me, and how much I loved you when I saw you dying. We both died a little in those months. You smelt so wonderful, and you still do. Every day I smell you; even if you're oceans away from me you hang in the air around me, your hair shines in the light that I see by, you sway in front of me with every step I take. We melted together when we kissed. You were so cold... I never knew you as much as I thought I did. But I was blind then, can you see that? you knew it, you saw it in the way I looked at you but you could control me in ways I never thought of. Maybe it was you who split me. Maybe I'll never know.

I'll always hate you, but I'd never take back what you did to me, or what I did to you. When you look me in the eye I can see you burning, but you're drowning in yourself and I can't save you. You can't save yourself. I could save you if you would tell the truth to yourself, but as it is, all I can do is love you, is walk past you every day and watch you turn to dust.

From Miranda, the girl you cannot see