February 11, 2003

You

I feel really lost again like my heart is trapped behind bars. I can't love, I can't feel. I think I'm just hurt so bad I am so afraid for it to happen again. I don't even want to risk it.

I don't care if they say those who do not take chances don't really live. Well, they never added a couple little extras to that. They may not live but their hearts are whole their minds are careless, and their outlooks are more positive. I know if I trust my heart with someone else I'll be back on the floor picking up the pieces and my knees are already bruised from the last time I had to.

I know I said before I wouldn't let you hurt me too badly and my tears were reserved for the deserving but now I think no one is ever going to see my pain. I don't think I can take it now I just want to live and have fun and not have to wonder if my heart is still in your hands, or if you set it aside when I'm home alone. I want the phone to ring with people I like to talk to and with plans to go places. Not defending myself against your harsh words and putting up with your friends. I don't need that....I don't deserve that.

You made me feel like I'd be nothing without you which I saw past and the leading on you did well....I might as well have had a leash on.

I just need to learn how to feel again because as of now I'm numb.

'Til the feeling returns,
Sabrina