February 24, 2003

To the one who will never know,

My heart is full of emotions for you, and there are moments when it feels as though it will explode, and yet I can never find the right way to say this. I'm hoping that this time it will come out right, or at least close to what i really want to say. This is about the tenth time that I've sat here trying to write you this letter, trying to unwrap my heart and let you see inside of me, something I wish I could do face to face.

There are times when I question the way I feel for you, which would be almost all the time and probably due to my state of continual confusion. Confusion about my life, who my friends are, who you are. I barely know you, so why do you have this affect on me? Why does it feel as though someone hit the pause button on my heart whenever I hear you name? Why do I want to hear your voice on the other end when the phone rings? This is probably some childish infatuation, a little crush right? I tell myself that often. I tell myself that I'll just forget about you and move on, but the more I talk to you, is the deeper I fall for you.

I don't want to be hurt, I know how it feels. Everyday when I come home and look at my life I'm hurt, when I see my mother crying because of things my father says I'm hurt and although I know that I don't need more pain and that feeling whatever it is I feel for you may very well lead there, I still want to be with you. But I know what I need and although I want you, I'll try and forget what we might have had.

L