February 26, 2003

Marissa,

sa, I'm sitting here compiling a CD. One with thoughts of you. I wish I could give you a copy, as a way of saying good bye, but also hello. To let go of what could have been, and smile at the thought of what was. To build a life long friendship with a kindred spirit, because though we are different in many ways, nonetheless we are the same. I think when it all comes out, you and I want the same things out of life. To be happy, to feel as if we have wings and can fly anywhere with the sun in our face and it doesn't burn. Or to fly swiftly through the night with the stars reflection in our eyes and the smile we have on our face is true, not forced. To feel unconditional love and an honesty within ourselves that we know exactly who we are. Yes, maybe I'm sort of naive to feel this way, but when it's all said and done I think we are the same. Maybe just not for each other.

As I say good bye I want to say that you will always have a place in my heart saved for you to crawl into should you ever question if you are loved. I want to tell you Marissa, that even though I wasn’t what you wanted, I'm thankful that you have given me the chance to share with you the time we had. It was amazing. I know that there were some times that were so hard for you and you did your best and you know that’s cherished within me. I will always hold you dear. There is a journey for you and I hope to see you at the end of your path. I know that I have my own path to take ,and your face in my memories will be a great treasure to look back on for strength and a reason to better myself. I have learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them too, doesn’t mean they didn’t love you with all they had...and I did love you.

I never knew I had it in me, and I have you to thank for that. And at first I thought there was no way I could be without you. In becoming your friend I'll know now what it's like to miss someone in a way unimaginable, to be sitting right next to you and know I can't have you. But I'll be damned if you're not a part of my life. You mean too much and hopefully I mean the same to you.

And I say hello to a new uncharted adventure with you. I say hello to new found memories and laughter. I say hello to letting you in my new ideas and dreams, to hopefully sharing many thoughts and many tears, and your shoulder to lean on. Though you may never know what my heart has held for you, I will say this. Thank you for giving me the smiles that brought me to life. Just your smile, never frown, pixie, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. Just as I did.

and always will, 12-18-01
Brandy